Funny Confessions

MAYDAY! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!

A middle-class liberal white woman somewhere is upset about something!

5

1

The song "Man! I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain

It's actually about a lesbian metaphorically being excited to throw her heterosexual marriage away for that evening.

2

Radioactive Shrimp is a great punk band name

...........

1

Paks

Why does you head flay to one side when you **, is it the same as your when you eat curry and your ** explodes?

1

I remember a time...

When if a woman walked down a busy street and was called a ** or ** by someone else, she wouldn't take it as a compliment as they do now.

1

When I was a little kid I unfortunately misheard kid song lyrics

I thought the song "Skip to My Lou" was "Skip to My Loo" (as in toilet).

4

1

Nothing in this world is more Important

Than making sure white women have as few inconveniences given to them as possible.

1

I Reeaally hate Asians and I've hated them even before covid

It's pretty much just East Asians though not southeast. Different slant eyes have different problems Japanese ones are very guilty of animal cruelty, child molestation and pathological lying about everything along with racism and social tunnel vision. I defiantly have them the most. They also have a decent problem with physical aggression. Chinese... (more)

2

Wife avoids a ticket

My wife and I were visiting her parents in her home town. It’s one of those where everyone knows everyone. As my wife is driving through this town we get pulled over by police. My wife is watching her mirror and when she sees the officer get out of his car, she says I know him, he had a cron me when we were younger. My wife is very attractive and... (more)

4

2

My mother is 89 years old

She should know better than to pronounce potato as "pih-tay-tuh"

3

This punk knocked my friend unconscience for no reason.

He was killed in an auto accident the very next day. It too him three days to die. Good riddance to bad rubbish. I think its funny in fact.

Shared, split, reunited

I have been telling my gf I want to see her filled up by my friend. To this she always told me I was a sick pervert and warned me she would report me if I ever did.
But sure enough last week we were drunk again and I let my friend grab her and then they struggled and I told her to open up and then he entered her and then I took a turn. We were... (more)

1

She knows I know now what ?

I use an open air gym in the park. I found a phone at one of the machines. Picked it up and shouted out but it was nobody's phone.
To return it one would go to the police station but there they take down my name etc and I do not want this. No anything with the police in it for me.
But when I flicked the screen the phone was not locked, only... (more)

The birds and the bees and everything

I was twelve and I saw my mother having ** with a coworker. By 'saw' I mean I saw, from penetration to **. I stood in the doorway, he was oblivious to me, but my mother and I had eye contact the whole time. I got a lecture, and a warning, and told... (more)

I made someone lesbian

So i was in year 4 in school and probably half the girls in my class liked me but there was 2 who liked me lets call them amy and lily and i kinda liked lily but not amy and i left the school and then i guess i made them both lesbian after leaving and they liked eachother and little do they know i liked someone else.

Men ☕

Men: omg that girl has an onlyfans? Well good luck, sweetheart, you're worthless now, no man will ever want to marry you. Also men: *literally destroy their marriages to shower onlyfans girls with millions of dollars*

3

1

A night at the museum

Oh, so youre the new night shift guard? I saw they were hiring again, you see, we just hired another guard and he just got knifed in the neck on night 3, we checked the cameras and it appeared as a Roman General made out of wax impaled him. You see things around here are not as they should be, history comes to life here. You will find out soon... (more)

1

The night shift

Oh, so youre the new night shift guard? I saw they were hiring again, you see, we just hired another guard and he just got knifed in the neck on night 3, we checked the cameras and it appeared as a Roman General made out of wax impaled him. You see things around here are not as they should be, history comes to life here. You will find out soon... (more)

DADTH (Disregard and Disrespect the homeless)

How to make a hobo feel powerless!
PRO TIPS BY AN EXPERT!
Many homeless individuals report feeling invisible or ignored by passersby, leading to feelings of isolation and dehumanization. Avoid making eye contact, and laughing can help them feel hated, not acknowledged, and valued as individual pieces of trash.
Breaking Down... (more)

2

Canadian cities as stereotypes

Canadian cities as stereotypes.
Toronto = 8 million Indians.
Vancouver = millions of Chinese.
Brampton = millions of Indians.
Montreal = French **.
London = white trash + mexicans.
Mississauga = Indian cesspool.
Burlington = white trash (more)

4

Mr Mimes secret

No, Mr. Mime, as depicted in the Pokémon franchise, cannot stop nightmares. While Mr. Mime is known for creating invisible barriers, this ability is primarily used for defense and protection against physical threats, not for warding off dreams or psychological distress. His abilities are rooted in creating physical barriers rather than influencing... (more)

Spitting on black kids heads

There's a foot bridge near my house that goes over a walking track near a school. Several times a week my brother and I stand on the bridge and spit on the black school kids underneath as they walk. The foot bridge is covered in a shade cloth type netting so you cant see whos on it from the ground. Anyway there's a little hole that we spit from... (more)

5

1

Defecating in the black kids playground

My brother and I are both White teens who really hate noggers. Once a week we sneak into the section 8 playground a few blocks from our house late at night and ** in it. It's almost exclusively a black kid playground because it's to dangerous for none blacks to play there. We usually (more)

10

1

BURN IN ** VIRGINIA GIUFFRE!!!

Worthless MUTT is dead, HA HA HA!!!

4

1

Celebrating Virginia Giuffre's suicide

I've been celebrating her death for 8 hours straight! I ** hated that worthless dog so much, I hope her final days on earth were pure **. In the end she lost he husband, kids, and her future. She is in (more)

7

3

To eat meat or not to eat

Today, I was reading a secret sent in to the post secret website that was sent on a postcard which said, Save the whales Lose the blubber! Go Vegetariansomeone wrote "I'd rather be fat than a vegetarian. PETA can kiss my **."
I found it funny because in an apocalyptic world where there could be no... (more)

1

FROG MAN TOUCH MY PEE PEE

Who remembers that 2005 frog man episode of Dr. Phil where the father was accused of dressing up in a frog costume and molesting his 2yo daughter? 20 years later I still laugh out loud when I remember her saying "FROG MAN TOUCH MY PEE PEE"

5

1

I threw extra hot chilli powder in a ** babys face

It happened 4 years ago. The dirty little future criminal monkey was sitting in a pram while it's welfare dependent obese momma was shop lifting in my friends store. I ran up and threw it in the little mutts face and ran away. My friend said it screamed for 20 minutes. Hope I blinded the little sh!tskin loser.

14

I kicked a heavily pregnant black woman in the stomach

Totally the coolest thing I've ever done.

18

1

Let me grab your small **

And rip it right off!

One in three

We are three friends and we are all married now. We made a bet who can make his wife strip in front of the others. The first guy's wife sent us off. The second seemed undecided. We had her wear her gym outfit for us but she refused to show **. She is very hot in her outfit anyways.
My wife was not... (more)

3

Star Wars is Real Life.

Star Wars isn't that far of from real life!
In Star Wars it's "May the 4th be with you"!
In real life it's "Godspeed"
In Star Wars it's "rebel scum"
In real life it's "Palestinian scum"
In Star Wars the Empire rounds up all scum.
In Real life ICE Agents deport all scum
In star wars Emporer Palpatine is the law.
In real life Trump... (more)

Mortal Kombat 1-3

Whenever you play as Kiu Kang and perform the bicycle kick, the gibberish sounds like “you are not the only one who as had a ** up the **” anyone else hear this lol

1

Walker toothpaste ranger

In a mouth there are a lot of similarities between real life vs dental. 1 is mouth has black cavities, real life has **. -walker toothpaste ranger

1

TRENDING

RANDOM

POPULAR